Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
