just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
