Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize