the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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