All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
