I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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