And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
