i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
