Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
