I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
