The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
