Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm passing your future prison.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
