"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
