We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
