Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
