Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
