I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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