you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
