I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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