hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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