either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
