So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize