you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
