I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
