plz talk dirty to me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
