with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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