There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
