it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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