a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
