meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
