What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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