That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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