I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
