my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
