"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize