in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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