He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize