So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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