he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
