there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
