apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
