i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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