im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
