what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
