I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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