I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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