Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
