She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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