how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
