TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
