I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
