Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
