Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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