I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize