We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
