The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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