In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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