She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
