i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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