so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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