we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
