Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how does that bad decision feel?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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