Can i not drive my cunt home
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
