i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
