He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
