Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
