I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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