I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
