I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
