Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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