quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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