Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
