im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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