I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I supernannyed him into submission
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
