Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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