If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
