The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
