Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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